Sunday, September 14, 2014


When I was in my mid 20s I experienced a realization that is common to that age yet was nonetheless transformative: I am going to die.  Of course I've always known that life would end but there is an unexplainable difference between knowing that life will end and realizing that MY life will end. The mundane day to day activities will continue on for another 50, 60 or maybe even 70 years but eventually they will stop. At this point in my life I had already experienced many deaths, both expected and tragic, but over the course of the last 5 years I have come to understand the significance of my own mortality and more importantly my influence on how and when this life might come to an end.
I have been overweight pretty much my entire life. When I was born there was a set of twins born down the hall. I outweighed their combined weight by almost an entire pound. My weight has controlled my life ever since I can remember. I, like many people who have struggled with extreme obesity, went through childhood and adolescence feeling terribly ashamed about what I looked at. Clothing never fit right, desks were to small, too heavy for the diving board, and of course the infamous "I think of you more as a friend" line. The emotional toll of being extremely obese has been the lens through which I came to know the world. It becomes a viscous cycle. I would be depressed because of my weight and then eat because of the depression and then more depressed and ashamed from eating so much. I have been through the gambit of diets but if I am honest with myself, and now with you, I must admit that I never truly committed myself to these efforts. I wanted to lose weight and would start a new diet with the best of intentions but once things got hard I would justify a little slip here and then another there and next thing I knew I was back to my old eating habits. I have had some success in the past but I have never been a healthy weight. Four months ago I was 422 pounds. I felt terrible. My body is finally starting to show the extra wear and tear that being morbidly obese causes. If I am on my feet for to long my ankles hurt for days. Getting out of bed is a chore. I am only 29 but my body feels like it is in its late 60's. My blood pressure was starting to get a little to high and the last time I had my cholesterol checked it was borderline high. If something doesn't dramatically change I will face my mortality much sooner than I had ever thought.
I don't want to die early but more importantly I have a wife and children who deserve better from me. I don't want my children to lose their father when they are teenagers or worse I don't want them to end up obese because they learned to eat just like me. Something must change and thankfully things have begun to change.
Four months ago I went back to work after having been a stay at home dad for awhile. My job is extremely physically demanding. I walk about 3-5 miles a day and of course this has helped me begin to lose weight. I am now down to 365lbs but I have plateaued. I will most likely not lose anymore weight because my diet has not changed dramatically. But things are going to change. I am working on some simple principles that I am going to live by when it comes to eating. I will lay out those principles in coming posts. I am starting this blog for 2 reasons. First, accountability. I do not have much of a social network where I live and I need someone or something to hold me to my standards. In lieu of this I am promising to you complete honesty. There are days that I will have nothing but good things to share about how great things are going but when I slip and fall short of my goals I will also report that information. You are my accountability.
My second reason is that I am hoping to inspire other people to join me on this journey. I am not sure exactly how I am going to incorporate a community atmosphere but that is what I want to do. I want to hear about your success and your failure. I want us to walk this path together.
Follow my weight loss journeyIn the next few days and weeks I will be putting together the details of how I want to walk this journey so keep checking in and I will talk to you all soon!!!

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